Every Child, A GATE Child

wfarthingandsons.com

In our school district, the acronym GATE stands for Gifted and Talented Education.  When I was growing up, they called it TAG (talented and gifted).  Functionally this is the district's attempt at recognizing those students who have 'gifted' learning abilities.  They are usually the kids who get their work done quickly because it comes easy to them or they are the ones who blow the curve in your high school or college classes.

I LOVE the gifted and talented education.  I love the unique games and classes and ways of thinking the GATE education offers.   And I believe the things they teach and the experiences they have would be beneficial for all children.

I have just a couple of problems with the whole GATE concept, however.  First, children are only tested if a teacher recommends them, which usually means they have to have the right teacher and relationship with that teacher.  A student may be a GATE student, but if because of the circumstances of the classroom, i.e. peers, teacher/student personality conflicts, lesson material, etc...the student doesn't perform like a GATE student, then the recommendation will not be made.  Because of funds and time, they do not test everyone.  Some GATE children may never be identified as such.  Second, a parent may make the request to have their student tested, but if the school personnel do not agree, their student will not be tested.  Third, regardless of which tests they use, the tests only measure certain areas of 'recognized' gifted-ness....this is my major problem with the GATE idea.  Here is why.

I believe we are all children of God, created in His image and capable of becoming like Him.  Let that sink in a minute.......(waiting..........getting a drink of water...........checking my email.........more waiting.......)

God--a person with all knowledge, perfect character, able to create universes but aware of the tiniest details necessary for microscopic life, perfectly just and perfectly merciful----and we are His children----ALL of us.  Which to me means we ALL have the potential to become completely like Him, if we choose to.  Thus, all of us have to be gifted and talented in some area.  We just might not know what it is and it may not be (probably is not) recognized or quantified by a GATE test.

Now, some of you will disagree with me.  What about those who are mentally handicapped---they are obviously not GATE kids, you may say.  But I believe they are.  Wouldn't you agree that some of those people are the most kind, patient and forgiving people?  They can experience severe cruelty and mocking, yet they do not get angry or revile their persecutors.  Their character is perfectly mild and meek.  In that area, their characters are much nearer to God than I am.

As their parents, we just have to help them figure out what their innate gifts and special talents are.  Then we need to help them develop those gifts further.  This will help to enhance their self-esteem so that when they have to face their weaknesses they can already be aware of their strengths and not feel overwhelmed by the growth in front of them.

There you have it:  Every child, a GATE child.  You probably have a few little Einstein's running around in the kitchen right now, marking on the furniture with Sharpies.......at least that's what the one in my house is doing.

Little People Philosophy

Little people are just that........LITTLE  PEOPLE.  They have feelings, emotions, ideas, agendas, thoughts, hopes, dreams, etc...  All of the psychological characteristics adults have, children do too, and babies.  They may not have the cognitive abilities to plan in the long term, or the vocabulary to express what they want, but that doesn't mean that they don't have an idea about what they need and how they want it.  Just ask any two-year old.

I have always spoken to my babies in complete sentences because of this thought.  To me, they can understand what I am saying and how it affects them, if I explain it to them.  They do better when they know what to expect.  One experience I had the drove this home to me was when our oldest was in the hospital at 1 month old.  He had had an emergency surgery to clean out his abdomen after his bowel perforated (a story for another day).  He had been post-surgery 1 week and they were letting me hold him for the very first time since the surgery.  He had only been having IV fluid for the week, as his surgery area involved his intestines.  As I held him, he kept turning over indicating that he wanted to nurse.  I talked to him about what had happened and that he wouldn't be able to nurse for a little while longer until he had healed a little more.  I told him that I wanted him to nurse too and that it would all be alright soon, that his little body was receiving all of the nutrients it needed, even though his stomach didn't think so.  After our little conversation, the baby rolled over and went to sleep.  No crying, no attitude, no more trying to nurse, just acceptance. 

My babies have all done better, especially with medical things, if I tell them what is up.  "We are going to the doctor today.  He is going to check out how your body is growing.  He will check your eyes, ears, throat, nose with his little light.  He will listen to your heart and to your back.  He will poke at your tummy.  When we are all done, you will have to have some shots.  They will hurt, but it won't last long. If we don't give you the shots, you could get some nasty diseases that could make you really, really sick for a long time.  Then it will be all over and you'll get a sucker and we'll go home."  If you talk to them, it will help them to process what is happening, even if they don't understand at the moment.

When Drew and I went to Las Vegas for his aunt's funeral, I sat down with Spike, Spike the day before and explained that I was going to leave early the next morning, before he woke up and I would be gone the entire day.  Then he would go to sleep and wake up and I would be gone that day.  Then he would wake up and go to sleep again and I would be gone all of that day.  I would get home late at night, after he had gone to bed and when he woke up, I would be there and we would go to church.  He did not understand me when I explained it.  In fact, I am not even sure he cared.  But when I got home and he was so excited to see me and then was obviously not happy with me because I had been gone, I reminded him that I had tried to tell him what I was doing, but that he probably didn't quite understand what I had said.  He gave me a hug and that was the end of it.  When I tell him I am leaving, now he will say, bye, bye Mom and I let him know I will be right back, or I am taking someone to school or work.  He does better when he knows where I am and what to expect.

Some of you may think I am crazy, but that doesn't matter to me.  The little people need our help to obtain their agendas, soothe their emotions and help them make sense of the world around them.  The sooner we begin speaking to them like people and acknowledging their feelings, emotions, desires, and frustrations, even as infants, the sooner we will cement the natural bonds between parents and children.  And they will know that they can count on us to help them know what to expect and when.  They will be more secure and as they grow, they will seek us out because they have known from a very early age that we were dependable and honest.

My littlest man got a hair cut this week end.  I miss his curls.  He looks like a different boy and I think his wild hair suits his personality....just a little wild in his own right. :-)

Protecting our Nestlings

photo credit:  wallpink.com

 President Packer taught this idea when he shared this story during the last general conference:

The back windows of our home overlook a small flower garden and the woods which border a small stream. One wall of the house borders on the garden and is thickly covered with English ivy. Most years this ivy has been the nesting place for house finches. The nests in the vines are safe from foxes and raccoons and cats that are about.

One day there was a great commotion in the ivy. Desperate cries of distress came as 8 or 10 finches from the surrounding woods came to join in this cry of alarm. I soon saw the source of the commotion. A snake had slid partway down out of the ivy and hung in front of the window just long enough for me to pull it out. The middle part of the snake’s body had two bulges—clear evidence convicting it of taking two fledglings from the nest. Not in the 50 years we had lived in our home had we seen anything like that. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience—or so we thought.

A few days later there was another commotion, this time in the vines covering our dog run. We heard the same cries of alarm, the gathering of the neighborhood finches. We knew what the predator was. A grandson climbed onto the run and pulled out another snake that was still holding on tightly to the mother bird it had caught in the nest and killed.

I said to myself, “What is going on? Is the Garden of Eden being invaded again?”

There came into my mind the warnings spoken by the prophets. We will not always be safe from the adversary’s influence, even within our own homes. We need to protect our nestlings.

We live in a very dangerous world that threatens those things that are most spiritual. The family, the fundamental organization in time and eternity, is under attack from forces seen and unseen. The adversary is about. His objective is to cause injury. If he can weaken and destroy the family, he will have succeeded.

 As an avid bird watcher and lover of  snakes, I found this story fascinating.  I loved the vivid imagery of the neighborhood finches sounding the alarm and all coming together to assist and warn others.  I couldn't help but wonder--What if this was our reaction to the spiritual dangers of our society now?

Lucifer, like the serpents, has started entering our homes---through the media we watch or view on the computer or the television, the music we listen to, the ideas perpetuated on facebook or twitter, the mindless business of texting, tweeting, posting, liking, gaming, etc....

What if every time a young woman showed up to church dressed immodestly, or a young man viewed pornography in his home, or an immoral idea or value was taught at school, the neighborhood men and women all gathered together and sounded the alarm??

What if instead of feeling isolated and alone in our problems, the entire ward flocked together for support?  Now, I am not suggesting that we need to air all of our dirty laundry or struggles to the world, but how do you respond when someone you love confides in you something they are struggling with?  Do you love them more, add them to your prayers, ponder on their situation and try to help? 

The adversary tries to isolate us---to make us think we are the only ones having this problem, everyone else has a happy life and they are too busy to be burdened by our problems.  then as we are feeling alone, desperate, and distracted, he picks off one of our little ones by introducing them to damaging spiritual ideas, thoughts, or behaviors either through their friends, media, teachers, or others...

How can we protect them when they are not with us most of the day?  We simply cannot neglect the basics.  In this talk, from BYU Women's Conference, the Primary General Presidency emphasized three points:   

1.  Family Prayer--They quoted President Kimball, saying, “In the past, having family prayer once a day may have been all right. But in the future it will not be enough if we are going to save our families.”  And they discussed this idea, if we are too busy to have family prayer, what are we then teaching our children---that the office, or the school bell, or the world is more important than speaking to our Father in Heaven?  Is that the message we want to send?? 

2.  Family Scripture Study.   I apparently didn't take great notes during this part, but I can tell you that it is so important just for the feelings in your home.  Not every time we have scripture study is it a remarkable spiritual experience, but we have had some amazing doctrinal discussions that have come out of our reading the scriptures together.  As we read, children will ask serious questions they have been pondering, and then the discussions begin.

3.  Focus on the Temple and Family History Work--They shared this quote from Elder David A Bednar:

As you respond in faith to this invitation, your hearts shall turn to the fathers. The promises made to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob will be implanted in your hearts. Your patriarchal blessing, with its declaration of lineage, will link you to these fathers and be more meaningful to you. Your love and gratitude for your ancestors will increase. Your testimony of and conversion to the Savior will become deep and abiding. And I promise you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives.   

If we are too busy for these things, then we are not doing all we can to protect our nestlings and it is possible they may become the prey of that serpent.

If you happen to notice someone else's fledgling is being stalked, sound the alarm, come to their aid, and let the parents know of your love and concern before the adversary claims another victim.  But remember to check on your own nestlings first and help protect them through family prayer, family scripture study, and focussing on the temple and family history work.  

Five for Friday--Temple Edition!!!

1.  Tammy and Scuff received their endowments on Saturday!  It was such a wonderful, but very long day.  The closest temple to our house is in Medford, Oregon.  It was a long drive to the temple.  Our day started very early, leaving at 6 a.m. and Tammy's endowment was late in the afternoon, so we didn't arrive home until 11:30 p.m.

The drive to the temple is absolutely beautiful and it was a spiritual feast.  Drew and I had some names from our ancestors ready to do the temple work for, one of whom was my grandmother's sister.  It was a very sweet experience to do the work for her.  One I will remember for a long time.

 2.  On Tuesday, Scuff left for his mission.  There was quite a bit of drama concerning his departure.  He was scheduled to go straight to the Brazil MTC (Missionary Training Center), but his visa had not arrived yet.  About a week before he left, we still did not know what his travel plans would be.  He called Missionary Travel, who let him know he would be heading to the Provo, UT MTC.  There was some discussion about airports and travel plans.  They said they would make the arrangements and email them to him.  On Friday, last week, he finally looked at his plans and they had scheduled him to arrive in Provo at 7 p.m. the day he was to report to the MTC at 2 p.m.  On that schedule, he was suppose to leave here at 1:30 p.m.  When they realized he needed to arrive before 2 p.m. on the day they scheduled him to fly, they changed his reservations to the day before and his departure time was now 10:30 a.m.

We did get everything together and get him to the airport by 9:30 a.m.  That might seem like a problem, but the planes were delayed 2 hours so he was going to miss his connecting flight.  They rescheduled him again and gave him a direct flight to Salt Lake City arriving about the same time as he was originally scheduled to arrive, but it included a three hour layover.  I'm sure he is doing fine, because we have not heard from him since he left, which means he arrived.  So we will wait until his first P-day to hear how things went on his end.

I cannot believe we have sent out our third missionary.  Sport is not that far behind him.  They are only 19 months apart, so more than likely, they will also miss each other.  Our second missionary is scheduled to come home at the end of July.  All of these comings and goings keep the house really hopping!

3.  The bathroom remodel is coming right along.  Today marks the end of three weeks since they began the work.  So this is what the old bathroom looked like:

 Then it looked like this:

Now it looks like this:

That's the same window in each photo.  The sink used to be under the window, now we have put a bath/tub shower unit there.  They will seal in the window so it is water tight.  The new sink and vanity will go where the old shower unit was.  That is still being made, so I don't have any photos of it yet.  We are suppose to finish the texture of the walls today, paint on Monday, and then work on the flooring, while the cabinet is being built.

#4.  Slim is home from college, which means my house is much louder and busier and sometimes the rooms are in commotion.  Today, he rearranged their bedroom.  I totally appreciate his willingness and ability to do these things.  He usually just initiates these things on his own.  I just have to manage his high maintenance while he is cleaning.

#5.  The family room is almost finished :-)  You probably won't be able to see it very well in these photos, but here is it:

The shelving units....

 

Preparations

 credit: michelletheeverydaycritic.blogspot.com

 This has been a crazy week of preparations.  Speedy is busy illustrating what his preparations have done for him by taking finals in all of his classes, but Scuff has just a few days to finish preparing for his missionary service, and tomorrow he will be receiving his endowment.  Because of all of the things going on, life at our house has been just crazy and emotions for everyone are running high.

It is very interesting how each and every person manages the stress they are feeling.  I bury my head and emotions, work like crazy and eat (already established....), especially things that cause me problems with weight, like milk, chocolate, and carbs.  One of my boys needs to play and exhibits significant annoyance and irritation that the rest of us do not feel like we can play because of the things we are trying to accomplish and his play time is not the way he thinks it should be, or that he doesn't really have any time to play.  Another son procrastinates everything and does nothing.  He sits around reading a book or playing games on the computer just completely avoiding the responsibilities that are quickly crowding in upon him.  Another son wants to be entertained and participate with his brothers, feels pulled between his desire to play and need for work and then is just pretty much an emotional basket case because he doesn't want to be responsible for doing what he wants to do and not finishing what he needs to do.  And then there is the baby...he must have had a bad dream about me leaving.  He woke up this morning hitting me and being so very angry with me, screaming and yelling and kept telling me that I was home!  It took a full 15 minutes of that before he was in an emotional place to be reasonable.  It is amazing to me how even at such an early age, we have feelings because of the things we think about and are important to us.  My little people are very intense emotional beings.....always.

 I think this will have to be a very short post so that I can keep on working with my emotional people and helping them learn to manage their stress in positive ways.  What positive ways have you found to manage stress and still accomplish those things that are stressful to you??